Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My vagina is officially offended.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
