He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
