did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
