I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We got so high we made milksteak
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
