It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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