Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
