dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
