Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
