I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
