i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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