so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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