But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
