Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize