Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize