It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
