Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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