we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
