Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
