very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
