it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think I am morally bankrupt
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
