im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize