i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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