Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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