You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
