shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
