Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
