We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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