Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
