her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
