Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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