cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
