She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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