Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
PANTIES FOUND
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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