I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
