First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
