Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize