I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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