I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Less talking, more tequila
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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