Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize