So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
