she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
