can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
