It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
