I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
