omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
