I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
