We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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