so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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