He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
