Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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