All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
no you cant smoke seaweed
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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