ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
