I hate all girls vehemently.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
