I got chris browned last night
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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