I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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