just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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