haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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