God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
