I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
