Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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