thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
