Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
