Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
