i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
should my penis look like a turkey
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
