You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
