normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
