literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
