I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize