The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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